The Black Lumberjack

While Ronnie, Floyd, and Black Sumo were disposing the room of pimps, Black Lumberjack continued his pursuit of the Mayor. Black Lumberjack looked ahead of him...The Mayor was escaping, however a crowd of goons started to close in on him. Black Lumberjack realizes that he needs his axe. He manages to get it out of the case just as a group of 4 pimps encircle him. Black Lumberjack smiles deviously at the 4 soon to be victims.

He swings his axe at the first pimp, his arm falls to the ground.

He meets the next oncommer with a punch to the face. He finishes him off by stabbing him in the back with the tip of his axe.

He then quickly disposes of the next two with a sweeping chop. They fell down like trees....

A pimp dressed up in a dollar bill suit sees his opportunity to take Black Lumberjack out. He sneaks up on him while he is pulling his axe out one of the victim's back.

"Hey Black Lumberjack" the Dollar Bill Pimp yells.

Black Lumberjack turns around to see a gun wielding goon with a money suit aiming his gun at the Lumberjack's head. Lumberjack glares at the Pimp hoping that his stare alone could stop the bullet. Then suddenly the Dollar Bill Pimp is gone....Black Sumo just took him out with a paralyzing flying headbutt to the back and kills him. "That's for wearing that dumb ass suit!" Sumo says to the limp pimp.
"What are you doing just standing around...where's Tonya?" Black Lumberjack gives Black Sumo a smile and a nod of appreciation for saving his life.
"Now for the second time, get out of here, we got this!"

The Lumberjack nods, and then breaks into a run in pursuit of the Mayor.

He sees the Mayor frantically trying to open the back doors behind the stage. But The Mayor didn't know that Ronnie and Floyd had sealed all the exits. There was only one way that The Mayor could get out of this predicament, and that would be to get by Black Lumberjack.

"Mayor!" Black Lumberjack growled. The Mayor turns and sees Black Lumberjack standing in the doorway. "Let her go!" The Mayor now backing away from the Lumberjack pulls his gun out and put's it against Tonya's temple. "Drop your axe, and I'll let her go."
Black Lumberjack holds his arms in the air to show he would comply with the Mayor. He puts the axe on the ground slowly and kicks it in front of the Mayor.

"Now your turn...Let her go!"

The Mayor shoves Tonya away, she then runs towards Black Lumberjack with tears running down her face. Then a shot rings out...Tonya lets out a scream, and falls to the ground before she could even reach him.
Black Lumberjack yells, clenches his fists and is now staring at The Mayor who is now aiming his gun at the Lumberjack.

"Did you think that I would just let you have her? Not after the heroics that you pulled tonight." "I wanted you to know that she was mine, and only mine."

Black Lumberjack sees a smoke bomb on the ground behind a stage prop. He knows that a bullet will be coming any second. He dives for the smoke bomb. The Mayor sends two gunshots his way trying to hit the fleeing Lumberjack. Black Lumberjack manages to get behind the prop and grabs the smoke bomb. He throws it in the Mayors direction. The room fills up with a thick gloom. Black Lumberjack crawls along the floor in search of his axe.
Meanwhile, The Mayor begins to blindly flail at the air trying to find someone to shoot. He trips over a crawling Black Lumberjack and falls over. Black Lumberjack realizes this and pounces on top of him. Black Lumberjack grabs his hand with the gun and tries knocking it out of his hand. Another gun shot rings out. It hits neither of them.
Black Lumberjack forces the gun out of the Mayor's hands and then gets the Mayor in submission.
Black Lumberjack then begins to punch the Mayor continuously in his face. Black Lumberjack's anger is felt with each punch. "This man killed Tonya!" was all that Black Lumberjack could think. He kept punching the Mayor in his face. Soon The Mayor's body was lifeless. But Black Lumberjack kept punching. Not knowing that the Pimp was already dead. He is suddenly pulled off The Mayor by Black Sumo.

Black Sumo tells him, "It's over man...The Mayor is dead."

"He shot her...He killed Tonya." Black Lumberjack whispered between breaths.

"Hey guys, over here, come quick!" Floyd yells
Ronnie and Floyd were on the floor by Tonya who was now sitting up. The bullet only grazed her! Black Lumberjack runs over to where the three are sitting. He grabs Tonya and holds her. "I'm okay", she tells him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby!" Black Lumberjack picks up Tonya and carries her out of the building.. Ronnie, Floyd and Black Sumo follow.

"Later suckas!" Black Sumo yells to all the lifeless bodies. Ronnie makes a molotov cocktail and throws it on the stage.

"Just cleaning up the mess..." he says.

The friends walk outside to where Black Lumberjack and Tonya are waiting. It's a couple hours until morning. "I feel like celebrating!" Black Sumo shouts..."Who's with me?" Ronnie and Floyd agree to go.

"What about you bro?" Black Sumo asks Black Lumberjack.

Black Lumberjack and Tonya look at each other, she is smiling at him.

Black Lumberjack tells them, "Sorry guys, Don't want to dissapoint you, but I think the two of us are just going to celebrate at home."
Black Lumberjack thanks the guys for all their help, and Tonya gives Black Sumo, and the two brothers warm hugs. Then the two of them jump into the Escalade and drive back to the cabin.

The two of them would be happy for now, but in the back of his mind, Black Lumberjack knew their happiness wouldn't last...

Cutting Room Floor

Early in the second week of filming Bill Murray was put on indefinite bed rest for a serious case of Lyme disease. Given the tight budget and production schedule director Emile Ardolino worked non-stop for three days with writer Eleanor Bergstein to find a replacement and rework the script eventually replacing Murray with Patrick Swayze. While the new film was a massive box office hit it is somewhat sad to learn details from the abandoned script.

Murray's character Raúl Kincade was written as a chain smoking Cuban-Irish refugee from Havana that had operated the top dance school in Cuba and invented the Cha-cha-chá. He was forced to leave the country in 1962 when his school was discovered to harbor Castro dissenters. Given his credentials Raúl lands a job teaching dance at Kellermans resort in the Catskills but is often treated with disrespect by ignorant staff and resort guests angry about the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Francis "Chica" Houseman develops a crush on the sad but graceful Raúl as he teaches her to dance and the pair enjoy a summer affair that changes both of their lives forever.

Behind the Story (Swap Week)

Moonwalker Michael Jackson continues to play a controlling roll in global warming. Three months prior to the release of Thriller he joined a fringe group that protects the yeti. Yeti are commonly referred to in sightings as "Bigfoot" or "The Abominable Snowman". Michael took the lead in the groups effort to accelerate warming of the northern climates to accommodate requests of artic yeti for longer summers. Using royalty checks from the sales of Thriller he bought a controlling stake in the American auto industry and built the Neverland Ranch as an above ground cover for the operation. He successfully steered the American auto industry to produce and market some of the least fuel efficient vehicles in the world while pushing them to ignore the trend toward fuel efficiency. He worked feverishly to divert attention from his efforts by marrying Lisa Marie Presley, engineering false media scandals and adopting a chimpanzee named Bubbles. Few people know that Bubbles is actually the acting interpreter between Michael Jackson and international representatives of the yeti holding congress underneath Neverland. 

Evans Mom (Swap Week)

Evan's Mom tries to be a Blackhawk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legend_of_the_Octopus

The Transplants (Swap Week)

The Black Lumberjack (Swap Week)

"COOOOOOOORN FLAKES!" yells Black Lumberjack as he descends from the summit of the most terrifying coaster he's ever been on. With his heart firmly lodged in his throat, his mind is elsewhere "Why the F*CK am I on a roller coaster? How did I get here? What about Tonya!!!" he wonders to himself.

As Black Lumberjack drops at an alarming rate he catches sight of Abraham Lincoln, he's laughing at me! He's half dragon? Before he can comprehend what's going on gravity sends him spiraling down.

boing...boing...boing...

"WOODY!!! yells Black Lumberjack as he bounces around the corner on his favorite childhood toy, a Kangaroo Ball. "It's Woody my childhood poodle. Wait a minute..."

"Damn how could I have accidentally fallen asleep during the big fight?" says BLJ as he wakes up groggy. Lumberjack's heart begins to race as he brings himself back into the moment, but still he can't help but ask himself "What was this weird Corn Flake, Lincoln, Poodle dream all about? NEVER MIND ALL THAT, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO SAVING TONYA!".

(Artist's note: I didn't want to disrupt the existing story for swap week so of course a dream sequence was a logical choice. I'd imagine this part of the story would end up on the Cutting Room Floor anyways.)

Cutting Room Floor (Switch Week)

Alternate ending to The Shawshank Redemption.

After making parole, Red travels on to keep the one promise he made to his friend Andy Dufresne. Red follows Andy’s directions to the North Buxton hay fields. Sure enough, Red soon spots the rock wall that looks like something right out of a Robert Frost poem and proceeds toward it. Red then comes right up to the large willow tree and spots the black volcanic glass rock he was instructed to look under. Red lifts the rock up and true to Andy’s word there is box underneath it. Red begins to break down as he realizes he will do anything for his good friend Andy Dufresne. Red then opens the box and BOOOM!! The box was an IED that took Red’s head clean off. It turns out that Andy Dufresne was indeed a murderer and just used Red to get him stuff. Andy was not only a bad husband, but also a bad friend.

This ending did not test as well with the one that made it to the final cut.

Evan's Mom (05/21/09)

Evan's Mom: Religion Week

---------

Transplants

Detroit Red Wings will go all the way!!

The Black Lumberjack

The award for Pimp of The Year goes to.....THE MAYOR! There is a roar of applause from the crowd. The Mayor get's up and prompts Tonya to get up with him. She is hesitant so he snatches her by the arm and wrestles her up from her seat, which in turn sent her seat sprawling into the next table. Seeing this scene causes the crowd of Pimps in the audience to break into an even louder applause. This is all that Black Lumberjack can stand. Black Lumberjack jumps up from his seat, throws off his disguise and calls out after The Mayor. "Mayor!" Black Lumberjack roars.

The crowd gets quiet and The Mayor turns around to see a seething, shirtless, Black Lumberjack. "You're a dead man!" Black Lumberjack growls. Tonya turns around and sees Black Lumberjack for the first time in months. She is so relieved to see him that she begins crying.
The Mayor's face turns pale. The last thing that he expected was for Black Lumberjack to find him, and on top of that, risk his life to confront him. Immediately The Mayor's men, and Pimps stand up to confront Black Lumberjack. Black Lumberjack turns to his brother, who surprisingly was also out of his costume, and in full Sumo attire.

"Where are you going?!" Black Sumo says to one of Mayor's goons as he grabs him and puts him into a headlock.

"Are you ready?" Black Lumberjack asks Black Sumo. "I've been ready!" Black Sumo answered back as he sent a pimp sprawling with one devastating punch. The brothers go back to back in defense of the increasing amount of attackers.
Meanwhile, Ronnie had tied all the exits closed with the rope. This way no one could escape. Then he entered the room. Floyd began tossing smoke bombs down into the crowd from up on the balcony. There were screams of panic. Black Lumberjack points to an exit and tells Tanisha to get all the women out of there. Tanisha and Stacey get up and begin escorting all the escorts out the room. Black Lumberjack then tries to find The Mayor and Tonya.

"He's getting away! Black Sumo yells. Look on the stage!"

Black Lumberjack turns to see the Mayor dragging Tonya behind him. He jumped on stage and ran off.

"I've got to go after him...Can you guys handle this?"

Floyd made it down to where the 3 men were standing. "We can handle this...You go get your girl". "Here, you'll be needing this". Floyd hands over the case carrying Black Lumberjack's axe.

"Thanks!" Black Lumberjack grabs the case and runs off, hitting each attacker with it as he chased after The Mayor.

The Lumberjack couldn't feel any pain from the hits that he was receiving. His rage was focused on one thing. And no one would be able to stop him until his enemy was defeated, and Tonya was safe with him...

Cutting Room Floor

After a debriefing at Clavius base Dr. Heywood Floyd takes the first Moonbus he can to the TMA-1 archeological site. During a flyby over the monolith he is not surprised to find that fast food chains have begun to develop this remote part of the moon.

Behind the Story

Evan's Mom (05/14/09)

Evan's Mom: Running Out of Ideas After 26 Drawings Week

---------

Transplants

The Black Lumberjack

The scene was set, with the help of Ronnie and Floyd, for Black Lumberjack's rescue. All he had to do was wait until the Pimp of the Year category to be called. Black Lumberjack was getting nervous. It seems like it was so long ago when he and Tonya were last together. He begins to reflect on his journey. The months he spent searching all over for Tonya.

Going to the Bar where he first met Tonya...

and then finding out that she formerly associated with this Pimp, The Mayor.

Black Lumberjack suddenly felt a rush of anger as he thought about the things The Mayor must have done to Tonya! The pain that he must have caused her....

Suddenly Black Lumberjack gets distracted from his thoughts by the sound of clapping. There is a spotlight shining around the room and it lands on a table.
It's The Mayor, and he's sitting with Tonya! It was the first time Black Lumberjack saw Tonya in 2 months! He couldn't get over how sad, and depressed she looked. All her happiness just drained out of her. He couldn't believe that this Mayor could have such an effect on her.
The award presenters walked on stage...This was it...This was the moment everyone was waiting for. He hoped that all the guys were ready, because this was shaping up to be the fight of their lives.

Cutting Room Floor

With all the hype surrounding X-Men Origins: Wolverine I thougth I'd share an excised scene from X-Men explaining Wolverine's general anger and impatience with Cyclops. Extensive last minute reshoots were made to replace this scene with the Alaska sequence in an effort to speed up the pacing of the film.

Cyclops calls in reservations at Fogo De Chão for 7:30 pm. He and Rogue arrive promptly and are seated by the hostess. Cyclops asks her if it would be possible to be served by Wolverine.

Wolverine is having a bad night. Two of the other Gauchos have called in sick and he has been assigned to serve nine tables. The lady at table five keeps asking him for more cheese bread and he keeps having to remind her that Gauchos only serve meat. When asked to take on another table he gives his manager some guff but reluctantly agrees because he likes the look of the girl at table ten.

When Wolverine stops by to serve the new table the jerk wearing sunglasses keeps interrupting him as he is carving meat for the girl. He is pretty sure she is flirting with him but this jerk won't shut up. After serving them three times he continues to stop by because it is evident that they are in no hurry to leave. Mr. Sunglasses keeps turning his disk over from red to green, back to red again, and each time Wolverine is about to walk away he turns it back to green again and smiles at him. This guy is really pissing him off. How could the girl like this clown? Who wears sunglasses inside anyway?

As the restaurant is closing Cyclops breaks the news to Wolverine that he is in great danger and would be wise to join them back at the X-Mansion. Wolverine only agrees because he kinda likes Rogue.

Behind the Story

Mr. Schwinn has a break through...

Evan's Mom (05/07/09)

Evan's Mom: Mustache de Mayo Week


---------

TRANSPLANTS

This transplants is dedicated to all the women in the lives of the participants of mustache de mayo for enduring the last month of facial hair.

The Black Lumberjack

"So, which one of us is going to let Ronnie and Floyd in?" Black Sumo asked his brother, who had been sitting quietly at the table.

"I'll go get them." Black Lumberjack responds.

Black Lumberjack gets up from the table and goes outside into the lobby. He asks a patron for directions to the restroom and heads off towards the suggested direction.

When no one was looking he snuck off towards the stage area where Ronnie and Floyd were waiting to be let in. He finds the exit and lets them in.
"You guys call those silly mustaches a disguise?" Black Lumberjack asks the two brothers.
"They may be silly...but the ladies love them!" Floyd replies. "Now how do we get backstage? We need to get things ready." "Yeah, this is where we'll begin the smoke bomb ambush!" Ronnie chips in.
"It's over this way." Black Lumberjack leads the brothers to the backstage area.

Floyd is carrying Black Lumberjack's Axe and some rope and Ronnie, who is carrying the smoke bombs. The brothers find places to hide and get set-up.

"So how will we know when to begin?" Ronnie asks Black Lumberjack.

"The Mayor will be accepting the award for Pimp of The Year...I'm going to be the one that gives it to him!" "When you see me come backstage that will be your cue to start. Black Sumo will need all the help he can get. Just leave the Axe here behind these boxes."

Ronnie and Floyd nod in agreement and place Black Lumberjack's Axe behind the boxes. Black Lumberjack heads back to his seat. Soon he would give the Mayor an award...his fist!

Cutting Room Floor

Burt Reynolds playing Death Star Trooper Corporal Grenwick in a cut scene from the movie most of us fondly remember as Star Wars. What follows is an excerpt from the script.

Corporal Grenwick is able to maintain his composure during the interrogation of Princess Leia Organa but he is also very excited to return to the Death Star Office of Interrogation for a fix. Corporal Grenwick is a truth serum addict. In the comfort of his office he takes off his helmet and gloves and rolls up his sleeve while beckoning the IT-O interrogation droid to his side. He faces away from the window as his mind is altered by the truth serum. Everything inside the Death Star makes perfect sense to him. He is oblivious of the Death Star laser that destroys the planet Alderaan behind him.

Behind The Story

Booya was created